West Virginia Jokes
How can you tell a West Virginia girl has her period? She
is only wearing one sock.
A West Virginia boy was courting on the porch. The family
hound dog came out, sat down, and started noisily licking his
balls. The boy knowingly says "I sure would like that"
and the West Virginia girl says, "That dog would bite you!"
I saw the West Virginia state quarter today. It's two dimes
and a nickel taped together.
Do you know what a fifth grader is in W.V.? Gifted.
How's a West Virginian tell the difference between a bull
and a cow in the dark? He sticks his nose in its ass. If there's
a place for his tongue, it's a cow
What do you call a WV family reunion? A full set of teeth.
Why did OJ Simpson move to West Virginia? Everyone has the
same DNA and there's no dental evidence.
Three WV lies: I got my high school diploma, I didn't know
she was my sister, and honest officer, and I was just trying to
help the sheep over the fence.
What does a girl from West Virginia say after sex? "Dad,
roll over and get my cigs".
Why do West Virginians like the doggie position? That way
they can both watch wrestling.
Why aren't West Virginians circumcised? They need a place
to put chewing tobacco when they shower.
What do you call a West Virginia virgin? A girl that can out-run
her brother.
What do a tornado and a West Virginia divorce have in common?
Someone always loses a trailer.
How many West Virginians does it take eat a possum? One to
eat, one to watch for cars.
How can you tell if a West Virginian is married? There is
tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.
West Virginian girl comes home to the trailer and tells her
dad that she is pregnant. The dad says, "what's his name and were
does he live?" The girl responds that his name is Clarence from
Ohio. The dad gathers up the boys and shot-guns and heads out
to Ohio. After an hour they pull back into the trailer park, the
girl asks, "Dad, did you meet Clarence?" Nope says that dad, came
back to get more help for that big SOB, was on the way and we
saw a sign overhead on the bridge, "Clearence 14 feet 10 inches"
Did you hear about the West Virginian who passed away and
left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't
touch it till she's fourteen.
Did you hear about the West Virginia lumberjacks? Took them
three days to cut down one tree until someone showed them how
to start the chainsaw
What's the difference between a West Virginia wedding and
a West Virginia funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.
What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.
WV Bob: I need to git some of them thar birth control pills
fer my daughter. Doc: Is she sexually active? WV Bob: Naw...she
jes lays thar like like her maw!
Two West Virginians were hunting when they came up on a pretty
young girl sunbathing in the nude. "Boy, she looks good enough
to eat." So the other one shot her.
A West Virginian was calling the fire department. "Hurry over
here. My house is on fire!" "Okay" replied the fireman, "How do
we get there?" "Don't you still have those big red trucks?"
West Virginia churches : High notes on the organ set the dogs
on the floor to howling, you are called to service by a duck call,
and the wine is Boone's Farm.
A West Virginian and his ex-wife were fighting over custody.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this
world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the
husband for a rebuttal. "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy
machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the
machine?"
West Virginia has changed its slogan from "wild and wonderful"
to "open for business"; most West Virginians were " 'open
for better"
What's the most popular pick-up line in West Virginia? Nice
tooth.
Even the state boundary is inbred and mutated, it's the only
state with two panhandles.
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family -- Really!
What do you call a West Virginia deer with no eyes? No ideer.
What do you call a West Virginia deer with no legs, no balls and
no eyes? Still no fuckin' ideer!
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